Hand fingers up, show palm. firm, stop or slap implied

A Discussion on Taking a Spanking – What Works and What Hurts

Hand fingers up, show palm. firm, stop or slap implied
Image courtesy of Pixabay – Annabel_P

My Experimenting with Take a Spanking

I love a playful swat on the bottom, I might yelp and give my partner a glare, but I enjoy the tingle and the way it awakens my pussy. Because of this, I have always enjoyed reading about impact play, but I’ve properly never acted upon it.

The love of my life is a strong fella, so I hide behind the fear that he’ll spank me too hard, but the honest truth is that our dynamic doesn’t flow that way. If there is any spanking, pinching or flogging on the menu – it’s usually me who dishes it out, and him who takes it.

Visiting Sex Shops

A city break for his birthday brought us to Brighton. We checked into our hotel and shared some champagne, then my partner and I hurried to check out Lust! and Taboo. Both shops are owned by the same entrepreneur, but are pitched at subtly different clientele.
You could stumble into Lust! with your mother or your sister, and be saved from embarrassment by its fun, lighthearted feel. It’s ideal for a hen night or a with a newish partner, because a visit here would be a giggle, allowing you to stock up on cute lingerie or entry level sex toys.

I decided to purchase a firmer, less flexible paddle than I already owned. It’s a glorious shade of black/purple which makes me say yum.

I began eyeing their latex club wear, but they didn’t have my size so, on their advice, I linked arms with my partner and dragged him uphill to Taboo. This boutique requires you to be buzzed in, which immediately demonstrates it’s a shop aimed at the more serious connoisseur.

I tried on some latex. I’m small, but by no means with a gym body. Damn but the corset I wriggled into made me feel curvy and desirable!

Perhaps the earlier champagne, was kicking in, but my partner’s eyes were hot on me when I threw back the changing room curtain. We don’t frequent fetish clubs, so I had no real excuse for owning an item made of latex. But the dark purple corset, with suspender straps and an evil shine, made me feel good. I wanted it to wear for bedroom romps with my man, who was just as keen to buy it for me. ‘A birthday present to himself’, he called it, which let me know he felt the same!

We left that shop giggling like teenagers. I couldn’t believe how bold I’d been.

Spanking in Latex

Latex often has a connotation with S&M (Sadism & Masochism) the punishment branch of sexual kink. So later that night, when I dressed in my new tight corset, with stockings I felt like the baddest bitch! I set out toys and lube so that we could play. I was in the mood to experiment and so I lay balanced across my man’s lap and offered my rear end for a spanking.

He started off with his hand, which was usually nice, because he would rub and stroke my buttocks after a few strokes, before starting to slap again. I was feeling revved up, because I was in my corset and we were really doing this, but I found the spanking was not adding to my mood. So I asked my fella to go harder. He picked up the new, stiff paddle and checked that I was ready, and I was.

He rained a few blows on my buttocks, but I couldn’t have cared less. The paddle made a resounding noise but I barely felt the swipes. Where was the thrill, the sting, the excitement? I urged him to go harder.

He was worried people in the other hotel rooms might hear us, so we turned up the volume on the television. More spanks landed on my rear end, but nothing was happening for me. It was neither sore nor exciting.

We abandoned spanking, and decided to play a different way, and we had plenty of fun. I was surprised and disappointed how little I’d enjoyed the spanking – it certainly didn’t turn me into a molten core of lust longing for my depths to be plundered … as I’d read in several books and short stories (hey, I might have even written them!)

I have since learned that the more flexible the paddle, and the wrist of the person delivering the blows, the more sting-y the impact.

Spanked on the Bare Bum

On another occasion we tried spanking again. This time I did not wear the latex corset, although I had on wrist restraints. My torso rested on the bed while my legs were hanging down to the floor, leaving my bottom exposed. My partner was quite excited to have me in such a vulnerable position.

When he began to slap and spank me, not all strikes in the same place, I was surprised because it hurt. I tried not to make a fuss. I hoped that soon the skin would become warm and pink, and although I’d be enduring the impact, I’d also be longing for more intimate touches.

My partner switched up from his hand to a paddle, but the impact from that was worse. I knew I was being a wimp, but I used my safeword.

Woman model ass thong pink top blonde hair

I am very curious why my two experiences were so different, so so I have enlisted input and collaboration with my good friend, and sex positive writer, Marie Rebelle. Relax in the knowledge that her experience will shed some light on the reasons behind the marked difference between my two attempts spanking, and help y’all to choose what might work for you.

Marie’s accounts will teach me and other ‘newbies’ how to approach the practice of spanking


I’ve had my fair share of spankings in the past years, when my husband and I were actively pursuing the kinky side of our relationship. And, in those years, he wasn’t the only one to spank me. A handful of other men got a go at it too.

One thing I have learned over the years is that spankings never feel the same. One spanking can hurt like hell, while the next leaves you panting for more, more, more!

When I talk about a spanking, I always mean hand on bum. When implements come into play, it turns from a spanking to a paddling (using a paddle), a whipping (using a whip), a flogging (using a flogger), a caning (using any kind of cane) or a belting (using a belt). I have never been belted, I hated the cane with a vengeance, wasn’t fond of the paddle but loved a good whipping or flogging, but only after my bum had been warmed up with a spanking.

Let me tell you about one of the best spankings I ever had. Sadly, this wasn’t at the hand of my husband, but the male part of a couple we dated several times.

Picture the scene: we were in a holiday house for the weekend, and us women were naked all the time, ready for whatever the men had in mind. Well, that Saturday afternoon, a spanking followed. I first watched how that man spanked his wife, and because he had told me, knew my turn would follow. Her bum turned from a nice blush, to crimson red, and I doubted I would be able to handle as much as she did, but I was keen to try. I knew I could use my safeword if it got too much.

When he pulled me across his lap, my body resting on the couch beside him, I was tense. He told me several times to relax, and even though I thought I had relaxed my muscles, he could feel I hadn’t.

He started out by softly rubbing his big hand over my buttocks, first the one side, then the other. I tensed in anticipation of the slap, but it didn’t come. Until it did. Just one slap, then back to rubbing, until the second slap landed on the other side. Every time he returned to rubbing, and the slaps always came unexpectedly. Gradually the time between slaps decreased, and he built it up to sometimes give two or three slaps, then return to rubbing, one slap, rubbing, four slaps, rubbing, two slaps, and so on.

Every time his hand landed on my flesh, it hurt, from the very first slap. My body fought the pain, and the rubbing helped my body to relax in between. In my head I told myself to keep that relaxation, but the moment he hit me again, my body tensed.

Until it didn’t.

He told me afterwards that he had worked towards the moment, to feel my body fully relaxing, despite him raining slaps on my reddening bottom. That was why he wanted me over his lap, because he could feel me tense every time, until I stopped resisting both mentally and physically and allowed the spanking to happen.

I knew exactly which moment he talked about. As I lay there, finally fully relaxed, I wondered why I didn’t feel the pain as much anymore, despite him raining series after series of ten, twelve, fifteen slaps on my behind. Pain had turned to pleasure, and all I wanted was more slaps.

When he felt I had enough, he returned to rubbing my bottom, allowing me to come to. I lay on the couch afterwards, my head on my husband’s lap, and drank tea, allowing my body to come down from the high.

Not all spankings were as wonderful as that one (and several others). I’ve also had spankings which continued to hurt, no matter how much I tried to relax. I never used my safeword, always telling myself the spanker couldn’t continue forever.

What I had learned in our kinky years is that your mood has a huge impact on whether you can handle a spanking or not. When I was down, a spanking hurt a lot more than when I had a good day, or was already excited to be in a scene with my husband.

Yes, spankings also hurt when you are in the right frame of mind, but then the key is to relax, to allow the pain to turn into pleasure.

A spanking needs to be built up in intensity, the same way it’s better to build up to a whipping or flogging by first having a spanking. Warming up both the buttocks and the mind, is the way to go. I think building the intensity definitely helps you to handle more, and can even help to ‘reset’ your mood.



What a lovely, honest account of how good a spanking can be, but also the unvarnished truth about how impact play varies from day to day, one occasion to the next. I feel much better informed for next time I experiment.

Another sex positive friend of mine, May More, uses her experience of spicing up intimacy with some impact play and writes both authentically and honestly about the topic. Here are some links from May you might enjoy.

The Day he Struck my Ass and Made my Kink Kinky

Straw, Sex & Spanking Story – Stable Relationship


Images used, both from Pixabay. Header Image Annabel P

Shared via #mmmMondays meme

2 thoughts on “A Discussion on Taking a Spanking – What Works and What Hurts”

  1. very interesting. i have never been a fan of impact play ok pain in general. Maybe because i know from experience i have a high pain threshold and have passed out from pain and oxygen was required to bring me back to earth. Grateful for M R and , Her writing of Her expeince. Maybe i should ask Mistres ffor a spanking and try relaxing. Thank You fro your blog

    1. Thank you for that feedback sindee. Wow that is a high pain threshold you have! I am so grateful that Marie R could share her experiences, she has made me think I might try again someday.

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