If Only We Had Known …

When I wrapped up 2020, a year which gave many more an inclination to look back than forward, I asked some of my most valued friends on Twitter to share some advice with my readers.

As a person grows up their expectations and attitudes change. We are shaped by the people we love and interact with, the chances we take, as much as the mistakes that we make. Given the gift of hindsight, the question I posed my compadres was:

What advice would you give your younger self? The 10 year old as yet untouched by puberty. The 20 year old on the brink of adult life; a time when the world should be your oyster, a person probably still beset with doubts. What tips would have eased your journey forward?


Francesca Demont – Latex loving lady Tweets Blogs

My dear 10 yo self, cut your parents some slack, they may not be perfect, but neither will you. 

My dear 20 yo self, I know he’s 30 and seems so mature and charismatic, but trust me, you’ll rush past him by the time you’re 25. 

Slave sindee Blackrod – submissive cross-dresser Tweets  Blog

My 10 yo self would want my parents to know that i liked wearing my sister’s clothes and can i do it for more than just Halloween?

For my 20 yo self, be true to your feelings. Find the person(s) that completes you.  Live for more than the moment in front of you.


Vlad Lioncourt – indie author with dominant leanings Tweets Books

To my 10 yo self: The Apollo space program is about to end, and you will develop into an athlete, and discover girls and eventually this thing called sex. You are wrong, it doesn’t mean they will want to get married and your life path will be forever changed. You are not taking advantage of them; they like it too. Be a little bolder.

To my 20 yo self: Stop letting loyalty get in the way of happiness. 


PJA Woode – Writer and connoisseur of great erotica Tweets

Thoughts for that 10 year old me – spend as much time as you can with your parents, because they won’t be with you forever.

– let yourself go and take more risks

– get that brace fitted on your teeth

I can give 20 year old me one piece of advice: enjoy your wonderful, creative, exciting sexuality (it’s really OK to do this) and find a like-minded partner to share it with.


Jupiter Grant – Creator and voice artist for hot erotic fiction Tweets Writes

If I could give some advice (or a warning, perhaps) to my 10 year old self, it would be: although the coming hell of the high school years will feel relentless at the time, those few years will only be a drop in the ocean in the grand scheme of your life, so gird yourself with self-love and appreciation for the wonderful girl you are and don’t put your sense of self worth in the hands of a bunch of small-town bullies whose opinions don’t matter a jot. 

To my 20 year old self: you made it through your teens – now go out and live your life! Be bold and unapologetic about the young woman you are. Take more chances. Don’t let your fear hold you back. Don’t put up with shitty boyfriends and bad sex, because, despite what you may think, you are smart, beautiful, sexy and you deserve better than that. Also, you are not fat, so stop starving yourself!!


Kate Pasithea – Shares intensely personal erotica on Twitter Books
To 10 year old me: Next year it all changes, you will be forced to grow up. Embrace the freedom of innocence you have and give your love freely. You never know when the opportunity to love someone will be taken from you.

To 20 year old me: You are worthy. Believe those around you who love you. One day you will realise they speak truth, until then, have faith in them when you have no faith in yourself.


Mr Smiley Wolf Tweets sexy words & images

10 y.o.  They will hate you for any reason they can find because you aren’t one of them. Be better than they are, you are worth more than you know. 

20 y.o.  You may be the only one that has your back, but that doesn’t mean you can’t watch other’s backs. 


Marie Rebelle – Inspired by her submissive lifestyle blogs & creates erotic content Tweet Blog

A tip to my 10 year old self is to stand firm in her shoes, and never be afraid to come up for herself, because what she wants and needs matters as much as it does to those others she always tried to please, even when it went against what she wanted and needed. 

I would want to say to my 20 year old self – never be ashamed of her sexual needs, and to explore as much as she wants, but to only make a life-long commitment with a man once she finds the one who understands and matches her sexual needs.


The Barefoot sub – submissive rope bunny creating erotic words & images Tweet Blog

To my 10 year old self: Mother Nature has all the answers you need. Follow her example. She is what she is and doesn’t change herself to suit others. 

To my 20 year old self: This isn’t a mistake, it is all important! You’ll learn more through the hardships than if it were all smooth sailing.


Eve Ray – Feisty vintage-loving girl about town Tweet Blog

To my 10 year old self I would say “Life is about failing and learning from failure as much as about success. And don’t be afraid to stand out from the crowd. Yes, even in those white Alan Ball football boots!”

And to my 20 year old self “You will unlearn shame. One day you will be open about the things you now hide. And you will find that they bring you great joy.”


Nero Black – Amusing his followers with wry observations Tweet 

I would tell my 10 y.o. self to just relax and be a kid. I would tell him he doesn’t have to worry about adult stuff, that’s a job for adults. 

I would give a similar tip to my 20 y.o. self: relax and just accept  that other people are fuck ups. You don’t have to call them on their shit, you just have to quietly move around them to get what you want. Don’t poke the bears!

The only sexual advice I’d give my 20 y.o. self (even tho’ I’d probably learned it by then) is that most women do prefer a ‘take charge’ alpha male in bed (but not all women, granted) over a guy who… isn’t. In the 80s we were encouraged to be ‘new age’ men, which in my experience did not light too many fires.


May More – Sex positive writer, blogger & mentor Tweet Blog

10 year old me – Don’t worry about praying too much, everyone does it, they just call it by different names

20 year old me – Be more mindful to other people’s feelings


Wrapping up with mine:

At 10 y.o. Keep reading, it helps you with everything, not least your writing, but spouting facts like a professor and always having a smart answer doesn’t win so many friends. 


At 20 y.o. You haven’t met the one yet, be a bit more wild and free. There’s plenty more time to before you have to act responsibly.

Perhaps some of this advice is helpful, providing insight to the journeys we’ve taken to where we are now. Go forward into 2021 with hope, love and strength, knowing that you have friends if you wish to reach out to us.


Linking up with #WickedWednesday for the prompt Looking Back on 2020 but also relevant for the prompt Secrets

19 thoughts on “If Only We Had Known …”

  1. It’s so wonderful to see what everyone has said here, Posy. Some great advice! If only we knew some of the things back then, but then again, learning the lessons through our lives made us the people we are today. Thank you for asking me to participate in this 🙂
    ~ Marie xox

    1. You are so right Mary, but I think it’s interesting to see how these early attitudes manifested themselves in the adults we know.

  2. An interesting question. How far would you go ? Hindsight could be life-changing but overall, for myself, I feel it’s important not to miss out on those life lessons which shape me as a person.

    1. You are so right – there are some moments I missed/ should have acted on, but I wouldn’t change what I have in my life now.

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