eyes and heads depicting anxiety

This week there is a special collaboration going on between 3 memes, WickedWednesday SexBloggersforMentalHealth and TellMeAbout

Co-Dependency / Interdependency

These topic definitely needs some airtime. Some of the posts linked up, however, will have content warnings because the topics of abuse and gaslighting can be very triggering to anyone who has suffered them to even the smallest degree.

Initially I didn’t think I could join in with this, as I have been fortunate enough to avoid relationships where there was abuse of power. However, reading missy’s post clearly illustrated that even healthy relationships hit bumps in the road which tilt the power dynamic, and that resonated with me.

 

When I got married, my dream was to be a homemaker in quite a traditional sense. I planned to stop work once we had children, to become the primary carer until they reached an independent age. Within the first year, I was made redundant, so fate seemed to be playing along. My OH had the bigger job anyway which he loved, so we started our family.

About 10 years later, it was my OH’s turn to be made redundant and fate didn’t seem so kind. As an interim measure, I went back to work. While doing the school-run and taking the lead role with the children was great for my man (neither of us regret that) the other aspects of running the house didn’t sit well with him. He felt stir crazy without enough to stimulate his mind – although he tackled shopping and mopping like an Olympic sport!

Even though we’re interdependent, it didn’t suit our relationship when I was the one working for and he was the stay-at-home parent. I felt tired at the end of long days and did less to help round the house. He felt guilty that he’d lowered our income, punishing himself by wearing the same old clothes and his mood become low. He needed more opportunities to socialise and a hobby which felt like work, until he found a new job.

Fast-forward to the present, our work/home dynamic has changed several times and the wrinkles have ironed out, but reading missy’s words has reminded me to keep watching and listening to ensure we keep the balance right.

 

I wrote Jack Off, a piece of fiction featuring a girl in an unhealthy relationship. Inspiration came from watching a girl turn herself inside out to please a guy. He was only happy pulling her down and hiding her away from the world, but thank goodness she’s found a good man now. CW: controlling behaviour.

Please visit the all platforms and links to see the supportive and honest content others are sharing.

 

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Comments (14)

  1. Reply

    Wow Post this was actually like reading a piece of my own life. I totally understand how difficult it must have been for both of you as it is such a mirror of our situation. Thank you for posting and adding to the meme and I am really pleased to hear that you have moved past this to a form of dependency which suits you both better ❤️

  2. Reply

    I can totally imagine how difficult it is when the roles are changed around, especially when it’s forced on you. We should all always be aware that things can change in a flash, and with a solid foundation we get through those difficult times. Thank you for sharing, Posy.

    Rebel xox

    • p0sy

      Reply

      Thanks for the opportunity to share on your great meme Marie.Yes, life is hard to plan for, cos we aren’t in the driving seat. xx

  3. Reply

    It’s a lovely thing when you think you’ve got nothing to add on a topic and then someone makes you think “hang on …”

    The ups and downs of changing roles and responsibilities are a real strain on relationships. Great to read how you survived, adapted and thrived. ??

    • p0sy

      Reply

      Exactly melody.Thanks so much, I don’t know a magic formula but talking back and forth seems to help a lot.

  4. Reply

    Your post makes me think about when my ex girlfriend got downsized and decided to pursue dog grooming because she wanted to work with animals. Huge pay cut and no health insurance. I had to take a job that would provide us both with insurance. There weren’t many companies doing that back then. So it dictated the job I had to take. Not one I wanted. It’s hard when things change, but it’s good to be a team.

    • p0sy

      Reply

      Oh wow that sucks, but you did a good thing for her, just hope you didn’t ‘lose’ yourself in moulding to fit the situation. xx

  5. Reply

    I’m glad you both worked through all of this as your post reminded me how my ex reacted when I became the bigger earner. The most important thing is that your relationship was and is strong and able to withstand what life has throw at it. Great post xx

    • p0sy

      Reply

      I’m glad it struck a chord Julie, thanks for commenting. I think communication is key, but it’s lucky that we’ve managed to avoid hitting our lows simultaneously.

  6. Reply

    I can imagine the role reversal threw a bit of a spanner in the dynamics of your relationship. But I suspect it is because u have such a good relationship that u survived and became stronger. At the end of day that is what partnerships are all about – lovely post – off to read the fiction now xx

  7. Reply

    What’s great about post is that I imagine so many people will relate to it. I’m glad that you have navigated the ups and downs that life has thrown at you, learning how to manage them and build strategies for managing the future.

    Sweetgirl x

    • p0sy

      Reply

      Thank you Sweetgirl. We’ve had rough patches, and we still will (I’m bossy but passive – he’s hot tempered and competitive). We talk but also I read – blog posts, books, articles: all help me see other viewpoints and this really helps me/us work through things. You’re lovely to be so supportive and your relationship sounds like it benefits from great communication too.

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