[6 minute read]
Blogger Love Language – This interesting meme, which has been running during September 2019, seems to ask me to frame two questions:
- What positive things come from creating content for my blog?
- How do I prefer the love to be expressed by readers and followers who interact with my blog?
Let me start by describing myself as perhaps the most vanilla sex blogger you’re likely to read! I am a happily married CIS female with a curiosity about BDSM and nothing pierced except my ears. However I love to participate in and talk about sex! I have a passion for adult literature so for the last 3 years I’ve had lots of fun reading and writing about sex!
Initially I wrote adult short stories to post on the free site Literotica, I got a massive buzz from seeing how many views each story got. I enjoyed the readers’ positive comments and was really proud if mine got the ‘H’ (hot) rating. Checking my stats regularly, I’ll admit to becoming a bit of a ‘Praise Junkie’. This is still true. I love getting readers’ comments and try to answer them all.
I quickly decided to branch out on my own so created my blog Pillow Talk, but in taking this step I knew hardly any of my current readership would follow me from a platform that was a one stop shop catering to almost every kink and sexual orientation. I coaxed a few loyal readers along, but I networked hard with the few other sex bloggers I knew. Their advice was “join Twitter to promote yourself”.
@Miss_Jezebella helped; she created a buzz of interest when I ‘guested’ for her with a piece of fiction. People were interested, asking who I was / where they could read more of my stuff. Joining Twitter fed into my love of communicating with people – I join conversations/threads and follow other bloggers. If they seem ‘kindred spirits’ I slide into their DMs to say hi and get acquainted. I still enjoy this kind of interaction and try thank people when I get notification that they’ve followed me.
What I don’t always have time for is getting to know new folk purely by DM – my writing and blogging time can be quite limited. I’m in agreement with @May_Matters, I prefer readers to browse around my site to find out what I’m about – there are lots of clues in my more factual posts. It would be a mistake to read one post and think it defined me, as I try to write from all different perspectives and in varying genres.
I am cautious about flirting, wanting to be respectful to my partner. Although a certain amount of banter is fun, I don’t let it go too far. I never share photos that I wouldn’t use in a post (and those are usually pretty tame – and headless!). Honestly my OH would prefer that I didn’t share pics, but the photo memes are such fun. This community is so accepting and supportive that my body confidence has gone up since I began to participate! I enjoy supportive comments and I’m always flattered by people’s enthusiasm. I haven’t yet been offended by something a visitor has said about my images. On the flip side, I wouldn’t like overtly sexual comments; people saying what they’d like to do to me would be unpleasant.
Back to my love of talking about sex! At school my ability to blag it meant I was considered some kind of expert; I wrote sexy stories as if I knew how it all worked! It’s also got me into trouble, occasionally people got the impression I was opening the door to inappropriate behaviour.
Writing erotica and sex blogging is very freeing. I am doing both in my own arena, a safe space to express myself. I have the added bonus of anonymity for protection – which allows great honesty. I am happy to say that I haven’t had any negative, trolling comments so far, I think I’d delete those if I did. However, if people disagree with me in a constructive way I answer their comments, discussion is healthy.
My biggest dread is offending people. I’m fully aware that, until I began using Twitter, my vanilla lifestyle didn’t bring me into contact with a varied cross-section of life, but I am constantly learning and growing through my interactions. I worry that I’ll say something that shows I haven’t thought about a situation deeply enough or understood someone’s life from ‘walking in their shoes’. The benefit of writing comments rather than saying/blurting them is that I have time to think, to edit my words, but there’s still concern that I will judge it wrongly.
Being a people-pleaser at heart, supporting fellow bloggers and enabling new writers makes me happy. I love promoting other people’s posts and inviting writers to guest on my site. The #SoSS movement to promote good adult content is something I regularly support. There’s a real thrill from creating my interview slot to give insight into the back story / motivations of other members of our community. It suits my nosy nature, but my ‘subjects’ have the option to skip any question they find too intrusive.
Supportive comments and constructive advice are great, always appreciated. I’m happy to get them on Twitter, but better still is when someone comments on my blog because it is in context, and cemented there for posterity. ‘Likes’, ‘shares’ and ‘retweets’ give me a thrill and increase the traffic to my site, which is what it’s all about – what is the fun of writing if you don’t have evidence that people are reading and enjoying your words?
My final comments are on my erotic writing. I get great joy from developing my writing via the various prompts and word limits, which have assisted in improving my creative process. Feedback from readers about what they liked /what worked for them helps me improve too. My blog functions as a ‘shop window’ when offering my writing to other publications or platforms. I now write freelance, this earns money, which was always the dream. Editors for whom I create content advise me on ways to hone my craft, they teach me so much. Similarly I grow when running a story by a friendly beta reader. I read for other writers – it’s a two-way street from which both parties benefit.
The enjoyment I get from exploring whatever I want to write about and pressing publish when I think it’s ready is huge. I love adding my own artwork and, on the advice of a speaker at Eroticon 2018, I use my own images whenever I can. Not being very attuned with technology I feel hugely proud of my blog now I’ve gone self hosted. I couldn’t have achieved this without @uncertainsigns, his IT advice and support was essential.
There are a few key bloggers who, in my opinion, provide a framework, a supportive web on which much of this sexy writing community hangs. They are the meme hosts, those who create top lists, collectives and platforms and the team who put together Eroticon – a conference like no other. These guys build the love, bouncing it back amongst us all like the silver ball in a pinball machine. Praise where it’s due:
Sisters in Smut
Girl on the Net
This post is also submitted for #MasturbationMonday so check out the other links and Haiku’s sexy pool image