Working out the Kinks
#Kink of the Week : #Masturbation Monday
This rarely happens, but as soon as I read the prompt for Kink of the Week I knew what I wanted to write, actually I wanted to start writing immediately!
I love reading erotica with passages where one person masturbates for the other’s pleasure. Perhaps the partner is in the room watching, or maybe they capture a voyeur moment. so the masturbating person is watched through an open door, un-drawn curtains or from some other vantage point.
Fiction featuring absent lovers is enticing. They might sext, better still they have phone sex, talking dirty before getting their hands and/or toys involved and letting their partner listen to their sighs, groans and the delicious squelch of engorged flesh and body fluids. This is very arousing to read, I’ll admit I’ve never tried it.
Nowadays most phones have sophisticated cameras, webcams on their laptops and computers get utilised. There are stories where 1 party puts on a sexy display for remote lovers, receiving instructions on how and where to touch/ play with themselves. These tales tap into both the mutual masturbation kink (because participants can often see one another), the voyeur kink, and perhaps a domination submission vibe – things can play out with so many nuances, all delicious.
The mutual masturbation I want to discuss though, was less in ‘fantasy’ realms than necessity. For myself and my OH we used it to cure an issue. We had a big problem, we’d enjoyed a very satisfying sex life for several years but, following the birth of our first child, sex began to cause me pain.
Many of you will know that after childbirth the hormones released, and those involved with the process of breastfeeding, can mute a woman’s sex drive. It’s probably nature’s way of ensuring you care for your vulnerable newborn instead of abandoning their care to shag each other senseless. Mindful of that, I was very conscious that I was neglecting my OH’s needs for those of our child’s. All the text books tell you that your partner can feel very excluded by the breastfeeding bond.
I needed to have sex with him to reconnect. I wanted to remind myself I was a sexual, desirable being as well as a mother (for mother read ‘frump’ – because pregnancy had made me feel the opposite of fecund and attractive). Anyway, trying to utilise some ‘us’ time, light foreplay led to an attempt at penetrative sex which led to yelping squeals from me and hurt puzzlement from him.
I had an episiotomy scar (a cut to allow baby’s head out of the vagina). Books had advised a tear would heal better, but I suspect with the forcep intervention, both had occurred. I’d been stitched up with sutures that were supposed to dissolve over time. Our painful, failed attempts at penetration had me convinced that one or two stitches still remained, causing the problem. A trip to the doctor disproved my theory, so what next?
My OH was prepared to be patient, he listen to me and was mindful of my needs – thank goodness for that. We settled on mutual masturbation as our way forward, and you’d be amazed at how shy I felt about it! Here was I, a woman who’d been pleasuring herself for over ten years, feeling bashful because my husband was watching me touch myself, how I made myself wet and, more cringey still, brought myself to orgasm.
We started gradually, luckily there was no shyness when HE showed me how he touched himself and we broke the ice that way. I followed his lead and added extra things, like nipple play and perineum massage, and soon he was lustily showing his appreciation (all over his stomach and chest!).
Our next encounter was more about me, he lay with his head down near my hips to watch how I stroked and smoothed myself with a questing finger, building up to feeling warm and wet and in the mood. He took over with his digits, mimicking where and how I’d touched myself, checking in with me if it felt good, which it did. When he tried probing inside me with his fingers though, I started to wince, so he went back to just stroking and stimulating my labia while I rubbed my clitoris till I came. It was so wonderful to be flooded with those endorphins, such a relief to feel sexy again, that we vowed to try again soon.
This is how we progressed, gradually pushing my boundaries of penetration, til one finger became 2, til tongue and lips took over from fingers for external stimulation and finally I was ready, we were ready, to try again with PiV penetration, and it worked and it was lovely.
Hats off to my OH, he was massively patient, he was a great study and he took direction very well. He’d never been confident about his oral skills before, but was so determined to make sex something we could both enjoy as before, that he applied himself to learning what I worked for me, in the process discovering what he enjoyed too. I guess many women will relate to me saying I loved oral sex, but I hadn’t previously wanted to ask for it because I suspected it was something he didn’t enjoy.
Our sex life moved from strength to strength now our communication and understanding of each other’s pleasure and techniques had been so enhanced. It was obviously still difficult to find moments when I wasn’t too tired to have sex, or when the baby didn’t cry, causing ‘coitus interruptus’, but we managed.
Writing this reminds me we should revisit mutual masturbation, my OH watching me play with myself, it would be extra sexy without the pressure of our old agenda. I often watch him play with himself which I find it incredibly hot (and educational) – it’s a great way to remind myself of his favourite techniques. Of course he can’t suck his own nipples, so I can help out there! Yes! I feel determined to put on a show for him soon, lots of touching and panting and circling and dipping. I think we’d both enjoy that.