I have a fairly vanilla lifestyle – and I’m not using the ‘V’ word in a detrimental way, vanilla is a great flavour, you can choose to jazz it up with sauces, sprinkles or fruit any time you want, or simply enjoy it’s fine flavour on its own merit. That’s how my life is when I’m not being Posy Churchgate! I have a husband (you’ve heard about him), I have children (well they’re technically grown-ups now), I even have dogs! I do an office job, I visit family and friends, I shop and keep house.
My mother taught me a trick when I was a girl, she suggested looking at myself in the mirror every morning and saying:
“I am beautiful, I am beloved, I have a secret.”
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I like my figure (tick). My husband loves and supports me so tick that too. What I didn’t have until 2 years ago was a secret, but now I’m a writer of erotica and a sex blogger! I have a Twitter presence under an assumed name – hell I even have followers! I do have a secret and it’s one I’m really proud of! I wonder if it gives me a ‘certain something’ as I go about my business – it definitely makes me feel confident and relevant from the inside out which is important right now.
Once children go to university or out to work, many parents feel redundant – what is their purpose now? What will make them feel validated and useful? I don’t look to my offspring for that, instead I can reflect on what I’m achieving with my blogging and writing. Others may have a career which defines them, but I sidelined myself so that I could concentrate on family life for nearly two decades. Now I have time and energy to channel into this exciting new layer of my life.
My lifestyle as a blogger is not a secret from everyone – no I couldn’t operate like that! I’m not 007! In fact as a general rule I’m a fairly open book. My OH knows what I write, he reads it and is sometimes featured in ‘real life’ posts. A couple of friends I used to work with know my ‘pen name’ and the sort of stuff I write, my two best friends are also aware so sometimes I can discuss more tame sex topics with them. Family – now that’s a bit tougher! I’ve told my father and he took it in his stride, my mother having been a writer who didn’t shy away from sex scenes, I was confident it wouldn’t phase him. My siblings don’t know, I have no temptation to tell them, but one niece is really cool so I let her in on the secret.
The newest piece of my lifestyle is the friends I’ve made through blogging and sharing my writing. I have friends who I only know from emails and comments on my posts, friends on Twitter, also friends via Twitter but who I’ve met in person – for instance when I attended Eroticon. These new friends are uplifting, educating, supportive but primarily we have a shared passion. I can’t wait to open up my laptop at the end of a working day to discover what other sex positive people are sharing, commenting or directly messaging to me. This community helps one another – we cheer each other’s successes, sympathise and commiserate when we are low as well as offering advice, support, links to each other and opportunities.
So in summary – I love this lifestyle! If my secret got out I would not be devastated as I’m not ashamed of what I do, but I’d be sorry to lose the frisson of having an illicit secret. I’m an older woman who enjoys reading and writing erotic material. I watch porn and I own and use sex toys. I love lingerie and like sexy shoes and fetish clothes – c’mon, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in any of this.