I have a fairly vanilla lifestyle – and I’m not using the ‘V’ word in a detrimental way, vanilla is a great flavour, you can choose to jazz it up with sauces, sprinkles or fruit any time you want, or simply enjoy it’s fine flavour on its own merit.  That’s how my life is when I’m not being Posy Churchgate!  I have a husband (you’ve heard about him),  I have children (well they’re technically grown-ups now), I even have dogs!  I do an office job, I visit family and friends, I shop and keep house.

My mother taught me a trick when I was a girl, she suggested looking at myself in the mirror every morning and saying:

“I am beautiful,  I am beloved, I have a secret.”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I like my figure (tick).  My husband loves and supports me so tick that too.  What I didn’t have until 2 years ago was a secret, but now I’m a writer of erotica and a sex blogger!  I have a Twitter presence under an assumed name – hell I even have followers!  I do have a secret and it’s one I’m really proud of!  I wonder if it gives me a ‘certain something’ as I go about my business – it definitely makes me feel confident and relevant from the inside out which is important right now.

Once children go to university or out to work, many parents feel redundant – what is their purpose now?  What will make them feel validated and useful?  I don’t look to my offspring for that, instead I can reflect on what I’m achieving with my blogging and writing.  Others may have a career which defines them, but I sidelined myself so that I could concentrate on family life for nearly two decades.  Now I have time and energy to channel into this exciting new layer of my life.

My lifestyle as a blogger is not a secret from everyone – no I couldn’t operate like that!  I’m not 007!  In fact as a general rule I’m a fairly open book.  My OH knows what I write, he reads it and is sometimes featured in ‘real life’ posts.  A couple of friends I used to work with know my ‘pen name’ and the sort of stuff I write, my two best friends are also aware so sometimes I can discuss more tame sex topics with them.  Family – now that’s a bit tougher!  I’ve told my father and he took it in his stride, my mother having been a writer who didn’t shy away from sex scenes, I was confident it wouldn’t phase him.  My siblings don’t know, I have no temptation to tell them, but one niece is really cool so I let her in on the secret.

The newest piece of my lifestyle is the friends I’ve made through blogging and sharing my writing.  I have friends who I only know from emails and comments on my posts, friends on Twitter, also friends via Twitter but who I’ve met in person – for instance when I attended Eroticon.  These new friends are uplifting, educating, supportive but primarily we have a shared passion.  I can’t wait to open up my laptop at the end of a working day to discover what other sex positive people are sharing, commenting or directly messaging to me.  This community helps one another – we cheer each other’s successes, sympathise and commiserate when we are low as well as offering advice, support, links to each other and opportunities.

So in summary – I love this lifestyle!  If my secret got out I would not be devastated as I’m not ashamed of what I do, but I’d be sorry to lose the frisson of having an illicit secret.  I’m an older woman who enjoys reading and writing erotic material. I watch porn and I own and use sex toys.  I love lingerie and like sexy shoes and fetish clothes – c’mon, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in any of this.  

This post was submitted for the #WickedWednesday meme – the prompt this week was Lifestyle
Click the link to see who else is participating.

Comments (11)

  1. Reply

    I do love sharing your secret. Slight envy that you have been able to share with some from r/l.

    Being 'lifestyle' is an odd thing to address personally. Yet everyone has a lifestyle. I think this is a good interpretation of the prompt as in "what's my secret?"

    Now I have a picture of you sat next to Eamon Andrews in a variant of "What's my line?" ��

  2. Reply

    Thank you so much for this post! It really struck a chord with me. Now that's an interesting teaching. Usually somebody quotes motivational poster stuff, but the secret part is unique in my experience. My blog is a secret, too, but totally secret from anybody close to me. I've mentioned being in a conservative Christian area that would not be so accepting, and my family is for sure in that category, but I'm so different from almost all my family it's tempting to pluck hairs for DNA testing to see if I got switched at birth! I'm a born scientist and doubt and questioning the conventional wisdom is second nature to me. I revel in my "naughty" hobby as I revel in my questioning nature.

  3. Reply

    Wonderful to read . . . and so much of what you say resonates with me.

    And, you are so right . . . there is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Lovely !!!

    Xxx – K

  4. Reply

    I love this post and the way that you see all of this as your secret and what that adds for you. I feel a bit the same about our D/s but I have not been as open as you have about my blog yet. I have told some people but not very many. I also love the positivity of this post – I totally agree with what you say about blogging and the other bloggers. Being involved in this community has made me feel so much part of something too 🙂

  5. Reply

    So, like me you cherish your secret! Oh my mother had some wise words and very supportive ways, I will always be grateful for the bond we shared. You have much more 'challenging' surroundings for your identity/hobby than me – I really appreciate you reading and the comments you leave.

  6. Reply

    I agree with all of this Posy. It is just great having an almost secret blog – I love it too and the friends I have made because of it – lovely post 😉 x

  7. Reply

    I think we all need our little secrets to some extent. Like you, I don't tell everyone. Up to when my husband went into depression he always read my blog, and of course he knows everything about what I do. My best friend knows as I tell her everything. My children know I write about sex, but they don't have and I will never give them the link to my blog. My closest colleagues also know what I do, but don't have the link, as does a couple of my cousins. I generally don't make a secret of what I do, but I am careful to who I give the link, as I do think there are people out there who will use it to harm me. And, sometimes I just like not to tell, to keep it as my little secret 😉

    Rebel xox

  8. Reply

    I'm so pleased that although it's mostly a secret, there are some people you can share it with. As it's something you work hard on and should be proud of. Your post makes me wonder whether the secret side of it brings our community closer together, which I had not considered before. Either way, I agree. It is a fantastic community to be a part of.
    Aurora x

  9. Reply

    Awesome post, lovely 🙂 I definitely agree with the secret… A lot of RL folk know what I do but as a general rule, it's a secret. I'm not ashamed of my blog or who I am but it's easier while my children are small…

    I also agree with the supportive community and I am happy to be a part of such a supportive group of awesome folk <3 x

  10. Reply

    I love the morning mirror mantra your Mum taught you, what a lovely idea. And I love your 'secret' most people know about what I do but I still often feel like it is a little extra something about it that most people who pass me on the street would never guess


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: