Diary of Joni Bridges 2017
New Year’s Resolutions:
I Will Not
Drink more than 14 units of alcohol a week
Spend more than I earn
Fall for any of the following: workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends/wives
Get emotional over men, but instead be a poised and cool ice-queen
Obsess about Dan Clover as it’s pathetic to have a crush on boss (and think of him when using my vibrator)
Alcohol units 14 (but effectively spread over 2 days as party went on til early hours of NY day)
Orgasms 2 (1 induced by hot dream about Jamie Dornan after watching 50 Shades on Netflix)
1-1-17 Noon. London: my flat
Ugh – feel way too wasted to drive to Waterfordbury to attend parents’ New Year’s Day buffet, even though my Mum told me in August to put it in my calendar. I tried my damndest to fob her off, said I’d most likely be working, but she didn’t listen, eagerly hammering on about a ‘top-notch barrister’ who’d be attending with his parents, who are her neighbours.
I tuned her out, I wish the oldies understood, the worst kind of emotional fuckwit to get paired off with is a stuffy lawyer who goes to boring buffets with his ageing parents. I made a mental note to give the buffet a swerve, but now I realise (with my head pounding and stomach swirling like a washing machine) that Mum still thinks I’m coming!
One embarrassing, grovelling phone call later and I’ve managed to convince my parents I’m working. Luckily my Dad answered the phone (he’s much more practical than Mum) and swallowed my complete bullshit about needing to go to work & wrap up end of year.
So I’m off the hook! No stressy drive up the motorway arguing with SatNav, no need to wear some dire outfit approved by my Mum, and no fending off questions about my love life. Staggering to the bathroom I feel sick, so mix myself a glass of Dioralyte then slink back to bed, to sleep off monster hangover.
3-1-17 9 am : at work
Alcohol Units 4 : Pub last night with Shelley. Hair of the dog! It had to be done.
Can’t believe I’m back at work, with Perdita boring on about her Christmas break on a cruise with her b/f Hugo.
Mmmm. Dan Clover. He has a real bad-boy vibe, while being successful and clever. He was hilarious today. Told a story about his Aunt thinking the onyx kitchen-roll holder she got for Christmas was some kind of dildo! Cracked me up! yet I’m shocked (do people that age know about sex aids?) Dan asked me if I got anything nice for Christmas, do I detect a sub-text? I’ll wear short black skirt tomorrow.
4-1-17 a m : at work
OMG – just received an email from Dan Clover! Was trying to sneakily up-date my CV without Perdita noticing (Shelley advised me to make a career move soon, so have joined Linkedin). My first guilty thoughts were that he’d somehow spotted that I wasn’t working on spreadsheets, but on opening it – seems he’s not thinking about work either!
To: J Bridges From: D Clover
You appear to have forgotten your skirt. Contract of employment clearly states that: staff are expected to be fully clothed during working hours.
Lol – no mistaking the flirty banter, I felt a twinge in the knicker region. Peeked over my monitor, Perdita was still on phone and Dan in his office on a conference call, in fact he seemed so absorbed I wondered could anyone have prank-sent the e-mail? but there was no mistake, he was logged onto his computer.
With a thumping heart I typed a reply, lighting the touchpaper.
To: D Clover From: J Bridges
Am appalled by your message. Whilst I don’t dispute my skirt being on the skimpy side, it is undeniably present and will remain so until close of business today.
Waiting with baited breath for his reply, I watch through the glass wall of his office for reaction, thrilled with my audacity. I squeeze my legs tightly together, feeling a tickle of excitement in my pussy. Dan is so hot and looks particularly tasty today, his sky blue shirt accentuating his penetrating blue eyes. My mind wanders to imagining what his pecs and abs look like under that shirt, does he go to the gym to keep in shape, or just a lucky bastard? I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s noticed how firm and sculpted his bum looks in his …
“Joni, are you listening to me?” Perdita’s posh, nasal, voice breaks into my reverie, snapping me back into the present.
“I’ve just had an email from Dan about you.”
Whaaaat? Fuck Fuck and fuckity fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have flirted back. Try to rein in panic, keep face blank.
“He wants you to arrange a meeting with some clients, at a nearby hotel. What’s your work mobile?” she drawls.
“Er – I don’t have one.” Am stunned with this news and struggling to process, at least I’m not in trouble.
“Well, shall I give him your personal number?” Perdita sounds slightly miffed, I bet she thinks this task should have come her way, but Dan’s asked for me to do it – woo hoo! Then I realise she’s still waiting for me to provide number, so I reel it off and she types it into the e-mail. It dawns on me; Dan Clover is getting my mobile number! Crafty git! Another throb in the knicker region, I feel damp, my pulse is jumping.
“I’ll forward all the contacts and paperwork. From now on Dan will deal directly with you.” Perdita’s eyes are hard. The unspoken message: “Don’t fuck-up.”
I smile my complicity but my heart is pounding. I head to the ladies, needing a moment to myself to think. As I pass Dan’s office he glances up from his computer and our eyes meet…
Aha! Aha! Aha!
I continue on route to the loos, putting an extra sassy swing in my walk – my nipples tighten with excitement. That gorgeous, minted manager is interested in me, and I’m definitely interested in him!
I get into a cubicle and lock the door, a text lights up my phone and it vibrates (I have it on silent at work). The number is unrecognised – but can guess from the content who sent it:
<If walking past office was meant to prove existence of skirt, it failed miserably. Skirt is most definitely absent. Is skirt off sick?>
Ba ha ha! He does make me laugh, a sexy trait in a man.
My fingers fly over the keyboard on phone, composing an icy reply:
<Skirt is present, definitely not sick. It may be manager who is sick, hallucinating perhaps? Why would I walk around the office half naked?>
Couldn’t resist that last bit, wanted to put the image in his head. The throb in my pussy is undeniable now, I want to touch myself, to press my fingers against my clit and rub –
Phone vibrates <Half naked – Hmm – that’s a dress code management could get behind. How about I take you out to dinner, see if we can fatten your skirt up a bit?>
OMG! I press my thighs tightly together and feel several throbs, I’m getting a wide on! That man is super fit, and he’s asking me out! Must stay cool like an Ice Queen! Channelling my inner bitch I reply:
<Skirt enjoys being a size zero, no need to fatten it up! Lets arrange this meeting, perhaps we’ll want to celebrate over dinner when it’s over.>
I’m prickling with sweat and unchanneled adrenaline, I need a a release and – all alone in this cubicle – I know what to do. Tucking the phone in my skirt pocket I lower the toilet lid to sit. Hiking up the skirt hem, I ease down my skimpy knickers, then make gentle, teasing strokes over my labia now puffy and moist with excitement. My clit peeks out between the lips and as I begin to tease it with the nail on my index finger, making zings of sensation radiate out through my core, hotwiring into my moistening pussy tunnel. Hell yeah! I bite my lip, getting hot and cold sensations while my nipples crimp into hard points of desire. Soon I can’t stand the teasing any longer so begin to rotate the pads of two fingers on and around my little nub of desire. I keep biting my lip to stay quiet, but let my head drop back, blissed out by the warm, wet and exciting sensations I’m getting from stroking and mashing my clit stalk. One finger taps rapidly on its very tip and I soon feel the sensations of an orgasm building.
Can’t be away from my desk too long, so I don’t drag out the tease and play. I want satisfaction – and fast! I tilt my pelvis up to squeeze and pulse my pussy walls in a rhythmic pattern, while dipping two fingers in and out of my hole, knuckles grazing my clit with every greedy thrust.
Oh that’s good! I’m getting there now! If only I could pinch and tease my nipples, but I’ve no free hands! I’m thrusting with one and stimulating my clit with the other. The throbbing and clenching builds, ‘til I feel my abdomen walls tighten with a strong but pleasant ache, every bit of me pushing and squeezing, yearning for release. My mouth falls open in a silent scream of delight and I pump wetly in and out of my silky glistening pussy until I start to cum, then hold still, pressing my legs together; drawing in the throbbing and pulsing sensation that washes over me. I’m filled with awesome feelings of joy and release. I suppress my groan of satisfaction.
I take deep breaths, letting the sensations wash over me. My head swirls with euphoria, not just from the orgasm I just had but from knowing Dan is on my fishing line, I’m reeling him in! I withdraw my fingers, coated with strings of my sexy goop, and wipe them clean on some toilet paper. Blotting my pussy and crotch dry I re-arrange my clothes.
Outside the cubicle I wash hands and check my reflection. I look flushed, but in a sexy way. An observant co-worker might detect my nipples poking at the fabric of my blouse – I hope that Dan notices that. Sashaying out of the ladies I return to my desk, making sure to make eye contact and smile at him en route.
Phone vibrates <I see skirt still hasn’t materialised yet. But you look happy, like the cat that got the cream!>
I smile smugly and text back <Meow. Purrrr>
Leave it at that, preserve air of mystery. Sitting down, I put phone on desk and get back to work.
5-1-17 a m : at work
Alcohol units 2 – finished off red wine in fridge. Yesterday was a stressy!
Orgasms 1 – wore love egg while vacuuming flat, then finished myself off with vibrator, imagining Dan Clover fighting over me with a mystery man. It was so hot!
Busy day: obtained menus from hotel. Dan made initial selections. Invited guests, requesting information regarding their food intolerances /limitations. So far 1 vegan and 1 gluten-free.
To do: Create the seating plan, finalise the menu choices, make place cards, book taxis, collect bound presentation from marketing.
Doing this required texts back and forth with Dan. He’s as witty and inappropriate as ever, remarking on my ‘luscious long’ legs (wore a short suede skirt today) and perky breasts (my blouse is tight, with an extra button undone). We both made jokes / said things with double meanings.
All this while trying to carry on as normal – doubt I fooled Perdita, she was huffy all day. Am sex goddess with office lothario after me! Go Joni!