I’m a firm advocate of * solo play * masturbation * thrumming * frigging * wanking * getting yourself off ~ there are many phrases for the same activity, because we ALL do it, and maybe we should do it more often!
Firstly, I’ll put my hands up and say that I’ve been doing it since I was about 14, which I guess this is the age around which lots of people start, we discover our own sexuality as teenage hormones rage through our bodies filling us with lots of new (and usually exciting) sensations and urges. Girls tend to be more secretive about their masturbation activities – I don’t know why, but I’m guessing that the old thinking was that it wasn’t ladylike to have a high sex drive! What rubbish! Boys (traditionally) are more open about their wanking activities, sometimes even getting competitive with each other about it: frequency / trajectory / speed, and that’s before they start comparing the size of their cocks!! I don’t think as many girls show each other their fannies or get ‘moist’ together!
The important thing about playing with yourself is that you are free to explore and identify what you like: what touches ‘tickle your fancy’ and what pressures or strokes you like lots of as well as those you want less of. Armed with this knowledge you can guide your partner during sex, if they’re not helping your climb the arousal ladder. [Take care, you may need to guide them subtly, almost subliminally, not everyone enjoys being issued outright instructions! “Harder, faster, rub me there, no that just tickles!”]
At the start I only ever used my fingers, in fact in the earliest days I would stroke myself through my clothes. Not nowadays though! I love to feel moisture gathering in my lips and how the flesh swells as it becomes engorged with blood, I like to dip my finger into my wetness and drag it up to my clitoris and circle round with a tease/torment action which can sometimes be just the lightest tickle of my nail on its sensitive tip. I adore the first moment that I sink my finger deep inside my pussy and feel my knuckles enveloped in the heat and wetness. I often cram 3 fingers in as deep as they will go because, as my arousal grows, I get an urge to feel ‘full’. At this point, however, hands only starts to be difficult, because I want to thrust quite roughly in and out while still playing teasing strokes around my clitoris.
Now’s a good time to bring in the big guns! (by this I mean a sex toy) but it really depends on my mood whether I want something immobile but phallic [in which case : dildo] or something which brings vibrations with it [in which case : vibrator]. Some are big, some are small, some are pliant (made of silicone or latex), others are hard and unforgiving (Mmmm – my new glass dildo!), there are shaped ones to reach your G-spot (key for many ladies’ orgasms) and some have knobbles or swirls on them to constantly stimulate the walls of the vagina as they move in and out.
Thrusting – that is an important part! (I’ll get back to that).
Firstly I emphasise that a big advantage of playing solo is that you set your own pace. If you want to climax quickly, then you can do all the things you like, building up to harder and faster and focusing on the tingly bits and nowhere else, until you cum! Hard and sweating and pulsing just like you want to, totally selfish and indulgent, with nobody else’s needs to be considered. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been enjoying couples foreplay, when your partner stops doing ‘that magic thing’ that they were doing, or goes too rough, or touches too gently and you completely loose your climb to your climax. Somehow you’re out of the moment and it can take a while to get back there or <gnashes teeth> you may never get there! (I hope that doesn’t happen very often, it can makes me wild with fury!)* So anyway, playing with yourself, that is unlikely to happen.
So, using my fingers, or a clitoral toy, or a wand I can focus stimulation on my clitoris ~ which is a girl’s ‘penis’ let’s not forget, made of erectile tissue and full of nerve endings (and always wanting to be in on the action!) I can also reach to slide another object, let’s say dildo for this example, in and out of my pussy. It can stretch and pull at the tissues, filling me up, it may have ridges which are rubbing delightfully on my vagina walls as it moves in and out. Plus the angle of my thrusts pounding at my pussy can mean it touches my G-spot to enhance my arousal, and the speed and depth of these thrusts is entirely in my control.
Now’s a good time to mention the erogenous zone of the imagination – Never forget it, the power of our imagination is immense. We have the ability to harness many of our kinks with the use of our imagination:
You are being forced into this sexual encounter against your will / by your master
Many people are watching you masturbate
While you’re being fucked, others are queuing to take their turn
Being fucked this way is your punishment
You must stay silent / show no emotion, no matter how ecstatic you feel
You are part of an experiment and the dildo is an alien probe
You get the picture!
Hey! ~ you may also be turned on by watching yourself, either in a mirror or looking down and seeing that brute of a dildo slide in and out of your hungry hole, “you can’t get enough of it can you? Slut!” (yes – talk dirty to yourself if that floats your boat!) While playing with myself I let my imagination run riot: who is fucking me, where they are fucking me, why I am being fucked this way … I don’t need to describe my fantasies, you already read my erotica!
Solo play is also an ideal time to practise how to string out your arousal, a trick you may later want to try with your partner, because this makes sex last so much longer. I’ve found the orgasms are more earth-shattering if I nearly get there, and then the stimulation has died back and been built up again several times before the final climax. *so maybe changing rhythm doesn’t always make me furious 😉
During solo play you might want to try something new or learn a new trick to share with your partner once you’re used to it. I have been trying anal plugs by myself, to learn what I do and don’t like (I may be a bit of a control freak). Same with nipple play, I have been learning what my levels of pain/pleasure are with clamps and masturbation. You can probably guess I’m the more adventurous one in my partnership, but my OH loves to be introduced to new things I’ve discovered. O goodness, I can remember the early days of our relationship when I wondered how to tell him I liked to use vibrators, because I was worried I’d scare him off! Ha Ha, I’ve got him up to speed with what Posy likes nowadays!!
Dark darlings – thank you for reading, I hope I’ve informed, titillated and inspired you to play more, and to try new things. I would love it if you left comments below telling me how you get yourself off, in particular to add a ‘male’ perspective to this piece. I hope to update my blog very soon with another piece of erotica, currently a work in progress, which I plan to finish over the weekend, to provide you some bedtime reading.